


Almost Lovers Always Do

by teashoppe



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8155508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teashoppe/pseuds/teashoppe
Summary: The heart wants what the heart wants.





	

**Author's Note:**

> \- dedicated to kim & leah ♥  
> \- also dedicated to almond joys & water for getting me through the final hours  
> \- happy belated birthday banri  
> \- (^ this is actually a yuki centered fic lmfao)  
> \- this fic contains things which i normally /don't/ write aka drinking, sex, & smoking  
> \- seriously, irl i /hate/ smoking, but… this fanart influenced me… https://twitter.com/andrmd_nico/status/756119460906348544  
> \- the title of this fic comes from a fine frenzy's "almost lover"  
> \- hmu @harucchu on twitter for more banre:vale content ;D

December 24th: the day where the bustling, cold streets of Tokyo are lit with bright, colorful Christmas lights and smelling of peppermint candies and pine trees are filled more than usual with lovers. Yuki, in his 16 years of life, has never had a relationship make it to Christmas Eve, his girlfriends always dumping him before then because he seemed to lose interest in them within a month. They weren’t _wrong_ in that assumption; in fact, Kanon-chan had dumped him last week because she found herself a _new_ man worth her while. Previously, it had been Mao-senpai who had complained that he’s too clingy for a man who refused to do anything _and_ everything _but_ the bare minimum for her. Truthfully, he didn’t care as long as they satisfied him (and they hardly ever _did_ ).

 

Yuki never believed in Christmas miracles, nor did he believe in birthday wishes coming true. His birthday was always overshadowed by ballerinas in pretty, white tutus and lists made for Santa and his reindeer. His mother was always too busy working day and night to cover the costs his movie star father left behind for her to shoulder alone in favor of the woman he chose instead, and December 24th was no exception. She’d apologize to him the next day, always, with a sad smile on her face. “Yuki, mom is sorry.” She’d say to him as she pulled on her overcoat. “Mom will make it up to you.” She’d tuck his silver hair, ‘my starlight’ she used to call him, behind his recently pierced ear. Truthfully, _he_ even forgot about his own birthday sometimes. Being 16 was supposed to be special, the peak of his youth, but it just felt cold like the snow falling from the night sky.

 

“You have a beautiful voice.” A man approaches him as he closes his guitar case for the evening.

 

“Oh, thank-” Yuki begins to answer, but stumbles when a woman bumps into his shoulder. “Shit.” Yuki curses as he hurries to gather up his music sheets.

 

“Let me help you.” The stranger offers Yuki.

 

“No, that isn’t necessary.”

 

“I _want_ to though.”

 

The two fall silent.

 

“Don’t have a girlfriend tonight?” The man asks suddenly, bending down to pick up a music sheet from the snow.

 

“No, she dumped me last week.”

 

The man’s eyes widen. “Well, you’re handsome, so you’ll be fine.”

 

_Handsome_ , Yuki ponders over the man’s words. Yuki’s never been called ‘handsome’ by a man before (unless a senpai calling him ‘cute’ while he was in crossdress because of the Theatre Club counts).

 

“You’re pretty good-looking yourself.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, like a manga prince,”

 

“Oh.” The man laughs awkwardly. “Sorry, it’s kind of wet.”

 

“Thanks.” Yuki mutters.

 

“Is this an original?”

 

Yuki snatches the paper away from him. “I just do this to make money.”

 

“If it’s money you want, why don’t you become a singer?”

 

“I don’t have the qualifications.”

 

“You’re talented, though a bit rough around the edges.”

 

“Are you a musician?”

 

“No, I just like music. The most I do is play a little guitar and sing in karaoke with my friends.”

 

Yuki groans as the final paper he requires gets trampled.

 

“Are you disappointed?”

 

“Disappointed?”

 

“I’m just your average Japanese man.”

 

“Ah, no, not particularly.”

 

“Merry Christmas.” He waves.

 

“Wait!”

 

The crowd continues to weave around them.

 

“I’m Yuki.”

 

“Banri.” ‘Banri’ shakes his hand.

 

“ _Banri_ ,” Yuki begins with a mischievous smile. “ _I’ll_ be the judge of _that_.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Yuki gestures at the open karaoke shop. “It beats being cold.”

 

Banri laughs. “Sure.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I’m home.” Yuki removes his shoes in the genkan.

 

_If I could pair up with him-_

 

“You were out late.”

 

“Mom!” Yuki flinches. “Sorry, I was hanging out with a… friend…”

 

“Friend, huh? What ‘friend’ kept you out until 6 AM?”

 

“I’m sorry.” Yuki opens up the fridge, pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

 

“Yuki, I know I work, but-”

 

“Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.”

 

“Yuki,” His mother begins sweetly. “do you want to go somewhere with me?”

 

“I’m tired.”

 

“We could watch _Nemesis_ together.”

 

“Ha, so I can watch that bastard father? No thanks.”

 

“Yuki, I did _not_ raise you to speak ill of your father.”

 

“He abandoned you like he abandoned _me_ , mom!”

 

“Your father _loved_ me.”

 

“Oh?” Yuki glances around the apartment as if he’s searching for something. “Where is that father _now_ , mom?”

 

“Your father is a busy man, Yuki.”

 

“You’re right. He’s too busy appearing in movies screened across the country and bragging about his oh so beautiful celebrity family any and every chance he gets.”

 

“ _Yuki,_ ” His mother’s voice raises in volume, but Yuki can’t stop.

 

“You know, I bet they’re all sitting around a Christmas tree right now in their fancy house with their fancy cars in their fancy pajamas, unwrapping Christmas presents together, his darling wife glued to his side with a mug of hot cocoa and his precious son smiling with joy. ‘Thanks Papa’ his son probably hugs him before running off to go play with his friends while his parents share a kiss underneath the mistletoe.”

 

“Yuki, that’s _enough_ out of you.”

 

“I changed my mind.”

 

“Yuki, where are you going?!”

 

“I’m going back out!” He calls.

 

“ _Yuki!_ ” His mother pops open a bottle of whiskey as the door slams.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Yuki?” Banri approaches a cold, park bench. “Yuki, what’re you doing here?”

 

“Ban…?” Yuki answers the voice groggily.

 

Yuki feels like shit.

 

“Fuck, how long have you been outside? You’re freezing!”

 

“Ban, I need to apologize.” Yuki mumbles as Banri helps him stand up.

 

“Apologizing can wait.” Banri supports his body weight. “For now, we need to get you somewhere warm.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Ban, where are we?” Yuki inquires after listening to a door unlock.

 

“Yuki, can you stand?”

 

“Mm.” Banri hesitantly releases him after Yuki nods ‘yes’.

 

“You’re a high school student.” Yuki notices a uniform draped over the sofa.

 

“Hm? Oh, yeah.”

 

“‘rents?”

 

“I live by myself.” Banri turns on the faucet.

 

“A high school student with his own apartment.”

 

“Problem?”

 

“No, I’d _kill_ for _this_.” Envy escapes from Yuki’s mouth.

 

“I haven’t gone out grocery shopping. Is tea fine with you?”

 

“Yeah.” Yuki touches the uniform with his fingertips.

 

“Is it so surprising that I’m a 2nd year?” Banri chuckles.

 

“A bit,” Yuki sits on the sofa.

 

“And you?” Banri pours hot water out of the kettle into a mug.

 

“I just turned 16.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yesterday.”

 

“ _Oh_.”

 

“I don’t need any congratulations.” Yuki gratefully accepts the warm cup of tea.

 

“Cold?” Banri wonders, setting his scarf on the table.

 

With an exhausted yawn, Yuki replies, “All I wanna do right now is sleep.”

 

“Understood.”

 

Banri disappears behind a door Yuki assumes leads into his bedroom.

 

Banri returns, five seconds too late. “Yuki, the bed is-”

 

Yuki doesn’t budge for the next nine hours.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Ban? _Hellooo_ , are you listening?”

 

“Nope.” Banri devours a piece of chocolate.

 

“ _B_ _an_ , I could be _single_ tomorrow.”

 

“ _Devastating._ ”

 

Banri receives a glare from Yuki. “ _Focus_ , Ban.” Yuki groans. “I _seriously_ don’t understand girls.”

 

“You bought your girlfriend 50% off Valentine’s Day chocolate.”

 

“It was a deal!” Yuki defends himself from Banri’s judgment.

 

“You didn’t take off the sticker.” Banri loses all of his composure.

 

“Ha ha, laugh as much as you want, you virgin.”

 

“Hey, don’t underestimate your elders’ abilities, Yuki.” Banri begins playing a song on his guitar.

 

“Huh? You-”

 

Banri continues strumming his guitar.

 

“ _What?!_ ” Yuki blinks. “ _When?!_ ” Yuki can barely comprehend the situation.

 

“I don’t have any obligation to tell _you_ , Yuki.”

 

“ _Ban_ , best friends _share_ things with one another.”

 

Banri halts. “Like our sex lives?”

 

“Like our sex lives!”

 

“Yuki, make yourself useful, will you?”

 

Yuki hands Banri his capo.

 

“Are you still together?”

 

“Shut up.” Banri begins fiddling with tuning his instrument.

 

“Friends?” Yuki probes.

 

“ _Yuki._ ” Banri warns.

 

A pause.

 

“Is she older or younger than you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Is she shorter or taller than you?”

 

“No.”

 

Yuki pauses. “Ramen or sushi?”

 

“No.”

 

“Bastard, you aren’t even listening to what I’m saying!” Yuki hits him with a pillow. “... Big tits?” Yuki prepares for the worst in response.

 

Banri doesn’t reply.

 

“No way. Really?!”

 

A guitar pick bounces off of Yuki’s forehead.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Yuki stopped caring about gender around the same time he found out that boys taste _just_ as good as girls (if not _better_ ). Their bodies are familiar. They ask fewer questions. They care less about anniversaries. In short, they’re more comfortable (fuck buddies) companions as opposed to girls. Yuki has yet to meet a boy though who smells like roses and vanilla or surpasses the feeling of touching a girl’s breast. Their skin isn’t as soft. They don’t enjoy being wooed like girls do (which cancels out candlelit dinners and midnight strolls on the beach and surprising them with a bouquet of flowers).

 

Okazaki Rinto was cute in a nerdy sort of way, always wearing sweater vests his mom probably bought for him and black hair neatly trimmed and swept to the side. He was even cuter asking Yuki to come over to his house because he’d be home alone until his mother returned from one of her monthly book club meetings, grabbing him by the back of his blazer with an embarrassed blush.

 

“Senpai,” Yuki chuckles against the spot where he had left a hickey in the student council room. “you’re so cute.” Yuki leaves a trail of soft kisses down Rinto’s abdomen, stopping just above his navel to grin at him.

 

“Hurry.” Rinto nudges him with his foot. “We don’t have much time.”

 

“Impatient~” Yuki snaps the waistband of Rinto’s underwear against his skin.

 

“Is that a problem?”

 

“No, I _like_ that about you, Mr. President.” Rinto shudders as Yuki’s hand slides up his waist. “You’re _hot_ when you’re demanding.” Yuki removes Rinto’s glasses.

 

“Rin-chan~, are you home?” A chipper woman’s voice asks.

 

“Rin-chan…?” Yuki halts, only managing to free Rinto’s ass from his underwear.

 

“Shit.” Rinto blushes, and pushes Yuki away. “Yes, mom?!”

 

“Convincing,”

 

Rinto shoots Yuki a glare as he into his uniform. “Where’s your shirt?!”

 

“I don’t know. More importantly, what’re you gonna do about _that_?”

 

Rinto examines his neck now sporting a dark hickey.

 

“You-” Rinto hides the mark with a scarf.

 

“Are you angry with me, Rin-chan~?” Yuki is now seated at the edge of Rinto’s bed half-naked.

 

“Go home.”

 

“Just send her away, O.ka.za.ki. sen.pai.” Yuki embraces his lover’s body, pressing his face into his stomach.

 

Rinto removes Yuki’s hands. “I’m not in the mood anymore, Yuki.”

 

“Senpai…?”

 

“We’ll talk at school, okay?” Rinto promises.

 

“Okay.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I didn’t get to have sex.” Yuki dramatically falls onto Banri’s sofa.

 

“Tragic.” Banri reaches for the bowl of popcorn.

 

“I _know_. I’m attractive!”

 

“Yes, yes, more attractive than Kimura Takuya.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

Yuki gazes at the ceiling in silence.

 

“Ban, do you masturbate?”

 

“Pick a movie already, Yuki.” Banri replies, uninterested in the topic.

 

“Fine,” Yuki pauses. “How about an AV?”

 

“ _Yuki._ ”

 

“I can’t help it!” Yuki exclaims. “I’m curious!” Yuki sits crisscrossed on the sofa.

 

“ _About my masturbation routine?_ ”

 

“No, you _never_ talk about your girlfriends, Ban.”

 

“I don’t have anything to discuss.”

 

“I’m beginning to believe that they don’t _exist_.”

 

“Even if I _had_ one, Yuki, I wouldn’t introduce her to _you_.”

 

“ _Why?_ ”

 

“ _Think._ ” Banri stuffs his mouth with a handful of popcorn.

 

Yuki chews and swallows. “Ban, I _know_ I’m handsome, but-”

 

“Don’t get cocky because of _one_ compliment, Yuki.”

 

“You don’t think I’m attractive?”

 

Banri averts his eyes. “Give me the remote, will you?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Yuki?” Banri narrows his eyes. “Yuki, did you forget your umbrella?” Banri notes Yuki’s wet appearance.

 

“I got dumped.”

 

“What?”

 

“I got _dumped_ , Ban.”

 

Banri draws Yuki into his chest.

 

“Cry if you want to.”

 

Banri smells of aftershave and fresh linen, different than Rinto who always smelled faintly of chalk and detergent. (Lavender? Yuki can’t remember, nor does he _want_ to.) Yuki relaxes in his arms and cries.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Writing?” Banri enters the room with a plate of oranges.

 

“It doesn’t have a name.”

 

“Hmmm.” Banri reviews the paper. “It isn’t… bad… different… yes, different…”

 

Yuki groans. “It sucks.” Yuki crumples the music sheet, and tosses it into the pile.

 

“I didn’t say that.”

 

“Ban, I’m a _master_ at fake smiles.”

 

Banri peels an orange for him. “Best friends support each other, right?”

 

“How come I feel _worse_?” Yuki groans, slamming his head against the kotatsu.

 

“Alright, the lyrics were-”

 

“awful.”

 

“ _Atrocious_ , but that’s not important,”

 

Yuki sighs. “I don’t think I’m cut out for being a singer-songwriter.”

 

“No, I liked the melody.” Banri leans forward and ruffles his silver hair.

 

Yuki’s heart loudly thumps in his ears.

 

_Badump. Badump. Badump._

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Yuki…?” Banri seems flustered by Yuki’s presence. “Yuki, what’re you doing here?”

 

“I… I was in the neighborhood…” Yuki lies.

 

“Banri-kun~” A girl skips towards them.

 

_No._

 

“Banri-kun, who’s that?”

 

_No._

 

“Arisa-chan this is Yuki. Yuki, this is my girlfriend, Arisa-chan.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Yuki-san.”

 

_Ban has a girlfriend?_

 

“Congratulations.”

 

_No, I don’t know this man._

 

“Arisa-chan and I were going to go stop at the music store.”

 

_Music?_

 

“Arisa-chan plays the piano. She’s _really_ good at it.”

 

“Haha, you’re flattering me too much as always Banri-kun~”

 

_They look so natural together._

 

“Arisa-chan, Yuki writes music.”

 

“Really? That’s amazing!”

 

“Right?”

 

_No._

 

“I’d love to hear it some time, Yuki-san.”

 

_Please don’t call my name._

 

“Why don’t you come join us, Yuki?” Ban smiles, unaware of the stake he’s driving into his heart.

 

“No, I don’t want to intrude on your date.”

 

“It’s fine, isn’t it? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

 

“Your girlfriend-”

 

“Arisa-chan doesn’t mind, right?”

 

“No, I don’t mind at all.”

 

_Crap, this is seriously bad._

 

“Actually, I just remembered I have something else to do today.”

 

_It hurts._

 

“Is it urgent?”

 

_I need to go away._

 

_I want to run away._

 

“Yes, if you’ll excuse me now.”

 

“Wait, Yuki!”

 

“Banri-kun… is Yuki-san…?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Ah, did you know that a cake shop opened up nearby?”

 

“I didn’t.”

 

“Shall we stop there together, Banri-kun?”

 

“Sure.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Yuki runs.

 

Yuki runs and runs and runs until his legs give out.

 

“Fuck!”

 

Banri scolds Yuki for breaking his knuckles.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Your hair gets longer every time I see you.”

 

“Does it?” Banri inspects his fringe. “Maybe I should cut it.” He ponders.

 

_No, I think it’s fuckin’ sexy_ goes unspoken.

 

“Have you been thinking perverted thoughts about me, Ban?”

 

“Be serious.”

 

_I_ **_am_ ** _being serious_ , Yuki wants to respond.

 

“Ban, do you think I’m pretty?”

 

“Lazy? Yes.”

 

“What do girls have that I don’t have?” Yuki nuzzles against Banri’s neck, lips close enough to his skin that he can almost kiss him, _taste_ him.

 

“Yuki, quit fooling around.”

 

_I’m not._

 

“I came here to help you with your entrance exam.”

 

“I don’t wanna go to university.” Yuki pouts.

 

“Why?”

 

_I wanna be with_ **_you_** _._

 

“University students aren’t any fun.”

 

“Like me?”

 

“Like you.”

 

“What about a job then?”

 

“I can’t live with my mother _forever_ , Ban.”

 

“Yuki, all your part-time jobs have ended unsuccessfully. What makes you think a full-time job will be any different?”

 

“We could go to Paris.”

 

“Paris?”

 

“Yeah, we could be street performers,”

 

“Hm.” Banri marks a question in red.

 

“Hey, I got that right!” Yuki exclaims.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Yuki, where did you get this alcohol?”

 

“I stole it from my mom.”

 

“ _Yuki_ -”

 

“Relax, Ban, she’ll never know.” He begins searching for the shot glasses. “She works until 4 AM.” Yuki pours—one for Banri, one for himself, and one for Momo, a new, younger acquaintance of theirs.

 

“Yuki.”

 

“Don’t give me _that_ , Ban. I didn’t even take the _good_ liquor from her cabinet.”

 

Banri sighs (although he doesn’t reject it). 

 

“So, how’re things with Arisa-chan?”

 

“Arisa and I broke up.”

 

“What?” Yuki attempts to hide his excitement.

 

“Arisa got into Juilliard.”

 

“ _Juilliard?!_ ”

 

“I couldn’t handle distance.”

 

“Hmmm.”

 

“Besides, I hear she received an offer to play in Germany.”

 

“Germany?”

 

“Yeah, and she has an _American_ boyfriend _now_.”

 

“Jealous, Ban?”

 

“No, I’m happy for her. She’s achieving her dreams.”

 

“Mhm~” Yuki teases.

 

“Be quiet. I don’t see _you_ with a girlfriend.”

 

“Haha, I’m through with girls.” Yuki downs another shot.

 

Yuki tunes into the countdown on TV.

 

_“5!”_

 

“Ban,”

 

“What?”

 

_“4!”_

 

“Do you believe in that?”

 

“What?”

 

_“3!”_

 

“Kissing the person you love at midnight.”

 

_“2!”_

 

“Ban,”

 

_“1! Happy New Year!”_

 

Banri can taste the alcohol Yuki stole from his mother’s stash on his lips.

 

“Ban, open your mouth.” Yuki tugs at Banri’s bottom lip with his teeth.

 

Banri wonders if it’s possible to get drunk from French kissing.

 

Banri’s lips aren’t as soft as Yuki’s dreamt about kissing (among other things like having them wrapped around his-)

 

“Yuki…!” Banri’s breath hitches when Yuki squeezes his thigh.

 

“Relax, Ban.” Yuki coaxes, delivering a chaste kiss to his lips. “Relax.” Yuki presses his palm against Banri’s chest, gently pushing him down onto the floor.

 

“Momo-” Banri attempts to prop himself up with his elbows.

 

“Momo” Yuki crawls onto his lap. “is asleep, _Banri_.”

 

“Yuki-” Yuki experimentally slides his hand underneath Banri’s shirt, smiling when Banri responds positively to his touch.

 

“Ban,” Yuki sucks tenderly on the navy haired man’s neck. “Banri, can I do you?” Yuki’s palm begins travelling lower, pausing at the silver button fastening his jeans shut.

 

“Yuki, _stop_.” Banri hisses, removing Yuki’s hand from his zipper.

 

“Ban-” Yuki captures Banri’s lips again. “Ban, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

 

“ _Yuki._ ” Banri covers Yuki’s mouth.

 

Yuki licks Banri’s fingers.

 

“Stop it!”

 

“It feels good though, right?”

 

“You don’t mean to do this. You’re drunk.”

 

Banri doesn’t catch the second Yuki’s heart breaks in two.

 

“Get out.” Yuki’s voice comes out gruffer than he intends to.

 

“What?”

 

“Get out of my house, okay?!” Momo stirs, but does not awaken.

 

“Yuki-”

 

“Go home, Ban, before I say things I’ll _really_ regret.” Yuki hides the tears threatening to fall.

 

“I’ll be back in the morning.” Banri gathers his belongings hurriedly.

 

“Do what you want.” Yuki sniffs.

 

“Don’t forget to lock the door.”

 

He forgets, and his mother scolds him too loudly for his hangover.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Banri appears at his apartment like he promised the next morning.

 

“Yuki, about last night-” Banri starts.

 

“Ban, I have a _horrible_ headache.”

 

“Yuki, do you really _love_ me?”

 

Yuki raises an eyebrow at him. “Why?”

 

“I decided to give you a proper response.”

 

“I don’t need that.”

 

“I feel like you _deserve_ it though.”

 

Yuki inhales.

 

“For five years now. Happy?”

 

“I see.”

 

**Silence.**

 

“You’re disgusted by me, right?”

 

“ _What?_ Yuki, I _never_ said that.”

 

“Can you kiss me then?”

 

“ _Huh?_ ”

 

“Can you hold me? Have sex with me?” Banri stares at Yuki, baffled. “See? You can’t.”

 

“No, because-”

 

“I always knew this, yet I _still_ fell in love. I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

 

“You aren’t an idiot, Yuki.”

 

“Ban, I love a _straight_ man. You’ll get married someday, have kids—lots probably.”

 

“Yuki, where are you headed?” Banri scrambles to follow Yuki out the door.

 

“And I’ll have to watch!” He shouts. “I’ll have to watch.” Yuki doesn’t care that people are staring now.

 

“Yuki-” Banri begins, but never finishes his sentence. “Yuki…!”

 

Yuki remembers black.

 

Black, blue, and _red_.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“It could’ve been much worse.” The doctors had explained to him and Momo.

 

“Ban, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

“Yuki,”

 

_Don’t call my name._

 

Banri places his hand on his head.

 

_Don’t hold me so gently._

 

_I’ll misunderstand. There’re always misunderstandings with me._

 

_I want to forget._

 

_I want to forget._

 

_Your hands… your voice…_

 

_Everything._

 

_All of you._

 

_I want to_

 

_I want to_

 

_I want to_

 

“Ogami-san was discharged yesterday.”

 

_Ah._

 

_. . . . ._

 

_A h._

 

Yuki regrets.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Momo met them when he was 16. He had black hair then. He had aspirations to become Japan’s #1 soccer star. His sister, however, was a long time fan of Yuki’s music. Naturally, Momo came to know his tunes. Soon, he found himself humming them. Soon, he began attending shows with his sister. Soon, it became normal for Momo to visit Yuki after soccer practice. It became normal for Momo to assist Yuki with fanservice. Momo became something like a fan manager to him.

 

Momo believed he was important to Yuki.

 

And he _was_.

 

( _I still am_ , Momo has to remind himself sometimes.)

 

“Yuki-san,” (Back then, he was Yuki-san to Momo.) “Yuki-san, are you dating anyone?” He had asked innocently.

 

“No,” Yuki picks at his salad. “but I _have_ someone I _like_.”

 

“Momo-kun?” Banri had coincidentally entered the restaurant as them.

 

“Ban!” Yuki’s face had brightened.

 

At first, Momo couldn’t see the signs.

 

_Does Yuki even_ **_like_ ** _men?_ Momo tousles his hair in the mirror.

 

But eventually, it all clicked.

 

He remembered the way Yuki’s eyes followed Banri.

 

He remembered Yuki’s unstoppable blushing face.

 

It became clearer when he overheard the two _kissing_.

 

He watched Yuki cry and cry and cry at the hospital.

 

Momo hesitantly dials a phone number.

 

“Hello?”

 

_His voice is the same_ , Momo reminisces.

 

“Ban-san, I need your help.”

 

“Momo-kun?”

 

“Ban, is that Ban you’re talking to?”

 

“Yuki-” Momo attempts to hush him.

 

“Let me speak with him.” Yuki demands.

 

“Yuki, _wait_!”

 

Yuki grabs the phone from Momo’s hand. “Ban, Ban is that really you?”

 

Banri soaks in Yuki’s desperation and happiness.

 

“Ban, I love you.”

 

Banri remains quiet.

 

“Ban, I miss you.”

 

Banri bites down on his lip.

 

“Ban, I want to see you.”

 

“Alright, are you satisfied, Yuki? Hello, Ban-san?”

 

“Hello, Momo-kun.”

 

“I apologize for him Ban-san. Yuki-”

 

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”

 

_Beep._

 

~ ~ ~

 

“How much did he drink?” Banri recoils from the stench.

 

“As much as his superiors wanted.” Momo informs him of the situation.

 

“Ban~” Yuki hiccups. “Ban, I’m not dreaming, right?”

 

“Yes, yes, you’re not dreaming, Yuki.” Banri buckles Yuki into his vehicle.

 

“I’m happy. I’m so sooo happy right now.”

 

“He doesn’t get carsick, does he?” Banri asks Momo for guidance.

 

“No.”

 

“Good.” Banri steps into the driver’s seat. “Yuki, let’s go for a drive.”

 

“Hm? Okay~”

 

A nostalgic smile spreads across Banri’s face. “We’ll be in contact soon, Momo-kun.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Ban?” Yuki awakens, and exits Banri’s car.

 

“Doesn’t five years pass quickly, Yuki?”

 

“Ban, where are we?”

 

“Hm? You don’t remember this place, Yuki?”

 

_“You’re a fucking idiot, Yuki.” Banri laughs as Yuki approaches the incoming waves._

 

_“Come on, Ban, the water’s fine!”_

 

_Banri hesitates. “Really?”_

 

_“Really!” Yuki beckons him over with his hands._

 

_“Yuki, you fucking liar!” Banri shivers as he steps into the water, and Yuki splashes him._

 

_“I can’t believe you fucking- whoa!” Yuki is knocked over by a wave._

 

_The two play like children until numbness settles in._

 

“Ah,” Yuki chuckles at that memory. “it was good being young.”

 

“Mind if I smoke?” Banri asks, cigarette already between his teeth.

 

“I don’t remember you ever smoking.”

 

Banri flicks the lighter, igniting the filter with the flame. “I couldn’t let a singer destroy his lungs.”

 

“I wouldn’t be the first.” Yuki counters.

 

“No cigs for you. Sober up, you drunkard.”

 

“When did you start smoking?”

 

“Last year of university,” Banri puffs out a cloud of smoke.

 

“Hmmm.”

 

“Don’t worry.” Banri gazes out at the midnight ocean. “I only do it when I’m stressed.” Banri stubs his cigarette.

 

“Am I stressful to you, Ban?” Yuki’s quiet voice quivers.

 

“Yuki, that’s not what I-”

 

“Am I _that_ much of a nuisance?”

 

“Yuki-”

 

“Ban, I love you.” Yuki clings to Banri’s shirt. “I love you _so_ fucking much, Ban.” Yuki sobs.

 

Banri pulls Yuki into an embrace. “I know.”

 

_I’m sorry._

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Ban-san…?” Momo answers his door in his pajamas.

 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Banri apologizes, Yuki beside him in tow.

 

“No, come inside, Ban-san.” Momo closes the door after them.

 

“I couldn’t get an address out of Yuki.”

 

Momo laughs. “I suspected.”

 

“Where do you want to…?”

 

“Bedroom is on the left.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Momo leans against the doorway. “So, how’s Yuki’s condition?”

 

“He’ll have a _nasty_ hangover tomorrow morning, but,” Banri notes Yuki’s peaceful sleeping expression. “he’ll live… probably…” Banri quietly shuts the door to Momo’s room.

 

“Do you want something to drink?”

 

“No, I’m headed home now. Thanks, Momo-kun.”

 

“Momo-kun,” Banri meets eyes with him. “I’m entrusting Yuki to you.”

 

“Are you leaving again?” Momo asks.

 

“Yuki won’t remember any of this in the morning.”

 

“Ban-san, are you aware of how Yuki feels about you?”

 

“I am.”

 

“You _really_ hurt him.”

 

“I know. Momo-kun, this is between _me_ and _Yuki_.”

 

“I’ve liked Yuki ever since the moment we met.” Momo suddenly blurts out.

 

“I see.” Banri acknowledges, hand on the doorknob.

 

“I confessed to him.”

 

“Con… Congratulations…” Banri stutters.

 

“He refused me, but I persisted.”

 

Banri turns to face Momo.

 

“Finally, he gave in. I was so happy, Ban-san. We kissed. We went on dates. We even tried to have sex.”

 

“Tried…?”

 

“We decided we were better off friends.”

 

“Ah.” Banri doesn’t bother to pry further.

 

“Ban-san, you’re special to Yuki.

 

“Momo-kun, I’m-”

 

“I thought _I_ could be that for him.”

 

“Momo-kun…”

 

“Please, go talk to Yuki. Reject him again if you still feel the same way.”

 

Banri bows his head. “Sorry for the intrusion.”

 

Banri leaves without confirming or denying Momo’s proposal.

 

“Shit.” Banri slumps over his steering wheel.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Banri recalls his memories with Yuki. He remembers his first meeting with Yuki on his 16th birthday. Days were never dull with Yuki. He was always composing. Banri had the privilege of experiencing many of Yuki’s _first_ songs. They ate together, drank together. He remembers how much he laughed when they were together. He hated seeing his tears. He wanted to punch whoever made Yuki cry. He remembers Yuki smelling fresh and sweet despite partaking in all natural products Banri disliked for the price. He couldn’t forget the Yuki who apologized over and over at the hospital. He recalls Yuki _now_ , Yuki who’s grown his hair out and still as troublesome as ever.

 

Oh, and _kissing_ Yuki felt good too.

 

Actually, kissing Yuki felt _really_ good.

 

Banri slams on his brakes.

 

Oh.

 

_O h._

 

“Fuck.” Banri sits in the middle of the empty street.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Momo?”

 

“Momo.” Banri hands Yuki a beer and joins him on the couch.

 

The beer foams and spills onto Yuki’s shirt. “Shit.”

 

Banri offers him a napkin. “How’s life?”

 

“I didn’t give up on being a singer-songwriter.” Yuki licks the alcohol from his hand.

 

“Oh?”

 

“I earn royalties now too.”

 

“Royalties, wow.” Banri remarks.

 

“Yeah.” Yuki pauses. “You?”

 

“I’m just an ordinary man, Yuki.”

 

“Come on. There must be _one_ detail worth sharing.”

 

“I was engaged once.”

 

“Engaged?!”

 

“I thought I’d be married with a child by now.”

 

Yuki takes a moment to process the information. “What happened?”

 

“Life,” Banri answers the question simply. “Mom cried.”

 

“Ah.” Yuki sympathizes.

 

“I haven’t been home since.”

 

“I don’t blame you. My mom keeps hinting marriage too.”

 

The two fall into a comfortable silence.

 

“I’ve missed this.” Yuki states.

 

_That_ catches Banri’s attention. “Missed _what_?”

 

“Talking… _Us_ …”

 

“Ah,” Banri nods in agreement. “It feels like the past.”

 

“Although _now_ we own booze _legally_.”

 

Both of them laugh.

 

“Yuki, are you still in love with me?”

 

After the initial shock subsides, Yuki nods.

 

“Yuki, I-” A ringtone cuts their conversation short. “I have to answer this.” Banri excuses himself from the room.

 

“Ah, okay.”

 

Banri sighs when he returns. “Sorry, I’m needed at the office.”

 

“No, that’s-”

 

“I’ll be back soon.”

 

Banri comes home to an empty house.

 

_Good night. I called a taxi._

 

~ ~ ~

 

Banri discovers himself outside of Yuki’s penthouse close to 10 PM.

 

“Ban!”

 

“Care to spare a minute for the man that discovered you?”

 

Yuki scoffs. “You didn’t discover me.”

 

“I did, on the streets, on your 16th birthday.”

 

“You remember.”

 

“Of course. You looked like a silver coin dropped in a bustling crowd, waiting for someone to pick you up.”

 

Yuki blushes. “Who gave you my address?”

 

Banri hugs Yuki tightly. “I’m sorry for making you wait, Yuki.”

 

“Ban…?! Ban, I don’t understand.” Yuki’s hands hover over Banri’s back. “Oi. What-”

 

“I love you.”

 

“As a friend, I know that already.”

 

“I love you, Yuki.” Banri presses their lips softly together. “Will you go out with me?”

 

“Ban…? Ban, if this is a joke-”

 

“I wouldn’t joke about this, Yuki.”

 

Yuki’s gaze drops to the floor.

 

“I constantly need attention.” Yuki murmurs.

 

“I’m aware.”

 

“I expect roses delivered to my doorstep for a year.”

 

Banri chuckles. “Yuki, I’m only an office worker.”

 

“I like cuddling after sex.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Seriously, I’m clingy, and it gets warm.”

 

“I know.” Banri lips move against his forehead. “You’ll be perfect in the wintertime.” He grins.

 

“I won’t forgive you if you ever leave me again.”

 

“I promise.” Banri fondles Yuki’s hair.

 

“Kiss me.” Yuki proposes.

 

Banri has never been good at refusing Yuki’s requests.

 

“ _Ban_ ,” Yuki breaks for oxygen.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Ban, we’re in the hallway.”

 

“We are.” Banri suddenly feels embarrassed.

 

“Also,” Yuki smirks. “you’re still as terrible at kissing as I remember.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Come inside.” Yuki tugs on Banri’s hands.

 

“I can’t. I have work tomorrow.”

 

“Come on.” Yuki bats his eyelashes. “Have a drink with me, Ban.” Yuki begs.

 

“ _Yuki_ , I-”

 

He knew work was an excuse. He was more afraid of his restraint than his boss’ scolding.

 

“Please?” Yuki smiles as if he isn’t aware of the effect he has on Banri.

 

Yuki’s aware, more aware than Banri realizes.

 

_Fuck it._

 

“Alright. One drink won’t kill me.”

 

Somewhere between a glass of wine and stumbling into the spacious (Banri notes as Yuki strips him of his and his own shirts) bedroom complete with a California king size bed and lined with feather pillows, they’re kissing desperately like horny teenagers hankering for touch— _anyone’s_ touch, not necessarily that of a lover’s—passionately like a couple reunited after years and years and _years_ of separation, sloppily with noses bumping and teeth clashing relentlessly because of their awkwardness and inexperience in the darkness with their fingers buried deep into each other’s hair, navy and silver strands intermingling to create a sky full of stars.

 

Banri feels Yuki’s throat rumble underneath his lips. “Yuki…?” He immediately stops to assess the situation. “Yuki, am I doing something wrong?”

 

“No,” Yuki cups Banri’s cheeks in his hands, giggling. “I’m happy, _incredibly_ so, Ban.”

 

“I see. Yuki,”

 

“Hm?”

 

Banri whispers something only meant for Yuki.

 

“Ban…!”

 

“You’re blushing.” Banri revels in this Yuki.

 

“You aren’t being fair, Ban.” Yuki pouts.

 

“Sorry.” Banri pecks Yuki’s lips. “Truthfully, I have no idea what I’m doing, Yuki.” He awkwardly laughs praying it’ll relieve _something_.

 

“You could start _here_.” Yuki guides Banri’s hand to cup Yuki’s erection through his pants.

 

“Y… Yuki…!”

 

Yuki giggles, and innocently kisses Banri’s neck. “You’re so cute, Ban.”

 

“I don’t appreciate you laughing at me, Yuki.” Banri narrows his eyes.

 

“Sorry, but, Ban, you always look so _cool_ , so _untouchable_ ,” Yuki begins, “but now you’re _mine_ , mine and mine _alone_.” Yuki presses more gentle kisses to his neck.

 

“I am.” Banri affirms. “You’re beautiful.” Banri whispers against Yuki’s skin lit by the full moon as if illuminated by a spotlight. “Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,” Yuki realizes that this won’t be the last time he’ll ever receive a kiss from Banri when Banri plants a flower bed on his body, beautiful red and purple bruises that’ll greet him in the dawn like morning glories.

 

“Ban, can I touch you?”

 

“You’re _already_  touching me, Yuki.”

 

“Ah,” For a brief moment, Yuki’s cool demeanor vanishes. “I am, aren’t I?” Yuki attempts to hide his embarrassment.

 

Yuki’s hands wander Banri’s bare skin.

 

“ _Ah_ , Yuki, you can’t. I have work to-” A moan interrupts the rest of Banri’s lecture. Yuki’s infuriatingly good at leaving bites and kiss marks on him.

 

“Ban, how long do you plan on talking?”

 

“Jeez, Yuki, you’re so-”

 

Banri’s belt hits the floor.

 

“Ban…?”

 

“impossible.” A kiss. “Impossibly cute.” Another. “Impossibly sexy.” And another. “ _Mine._ ” Banri stresses, finally kissing Yuki breathless. “Yuki,” Banri traps Yuki in between his thighs. “you better prepare yourself.”

 

“Oh?” Banri’s declaration intrigues Yuki.

 

“I can’t promise I’ll be gentle.”

 

“Ban, I’ll let you in on a little secret.” Yuki’s arms encircle Banri’s neck. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Ahhh, seriously, this is so annoying.” Banri groans.

 

“What?” Yuki snuggles into Banri’s side.

 

“I had planned on going on a date before… well…”

 

“Well…?”

 

“ _Fucking_.” Banri brushes his hair, revealing the fading scar. “Yuki, do you have anything stronger than wine?”

 

“I have gin in the cupboard.”

 

Banri swings his legs over the mattress’ perimeter. “Can I get more wine for you?”

 

“Ban,” Yuki parts Banri’s fringe like a curtain to reveal his scar again. “Don’t move.” Yuki presses his fingertips to the scar.

 

Banri doesn’t speak; instead, he allows Yuki to touch the wound from the past.

 

“Do you regret it?” Yuki whispers.

 

Banri frowns. “Is that what you think?”

 

“Ban, I’ve spent 10 fucking years waiting for this moment.” Yuki leans into his palm. “Even if you regret it, that’s okay with me.”

 

“Yuki,” Banri delivers a chaste kiss to Yuki’s lips. “did you not hear what I confessed to you earlier?”

 

“I heard.”

 

The two settle back down. Yuki nestles his head in Banri’s shoulder.

 

“Ban, tell me about your dating plans.”

 

Banri shifts his body to accommodate Yuki’s weight more comfortably. “Mm, like dinner maybe? There’s an izakaya down the road.” He suggests.

 

Yuki intertwines their fingers. “I prefer red wine—from California, if possible.”

 

Banri kisses Yuki’s head, simultaneously breathing in the faint scent of chamomile. “I can arrange that.”

 

“I’ll be in your care.” Yuki drifts off to sleep.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Ban?!” Yuki panics, unintentionally dragging the sheet into the kitchen.

 

“I borrowed your shower.” Banri is fixing his tie. “Sorry.” Yuki can smell coffee.

 

“Oh.” Yuki exhales in relief. “S’fine.”

 

“Breakfast’s on the table. Coffee probably needs to be reheated.”

 

“Okay.” Yuki approaches the counter.

 

“How do you feel?”

 

“How do you _think_?”

 

“Sorry,” Banri kisses the back of Yuki’s neck. “I’ll be gentler next time.”

 

“Next time?” Yuki’s ears perk up.

 

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.” Banri places another kiss to his neck. “I’m going to work.”

 

“Mm.” Yuki can’t stop smiling.

 

“Oi, Yuki, you’ll burn yourself!” Banri swiftly grabs the coffee pot out of Yuki’s hands.

 

“Huh? Shit!”

 

“Jeez,” Banri grabs a neon green mug from the cupboard, and pours Yuki a cup of coffee. “I haven’t even _left_ yet.”

 

“Sorry.” Yuki’s bliss is fleeting.

 

“What’re you apologizing for?”

 

“I’m a pain in the ass.” Yuki mumbles.

 

“You’ve _always_ been a pain in the ass though.”

 

“Gee, thanks.”

 

“Do you want cream?” Banri changes the topic.

 

“I can handle it from here, Ban.”

 

Banri watches Yuki struggle to prevent the sheet from slipping and prepare his coffee. _Cute_ , Banri can’t help giggling. “Ahhh, I don’t want to go to work today.” He rests his chin on Yuki’s shoulder.

 

“Call in sick, Ban.”

 

“No, because if I do _that_ , _you_ won’t be able to walk for a week.”

 

Yuki’s head whips around. “Ban, how long were you suppressed?”

 

“I’m kidding.” He glances down at his watch. “Shit, I _really_ need to go now.” He picks up his keys from the dining room table.

 

“Ban!”

 

“What?”

 

“Have a good day.”

 

Banri kisses him goodbye.

 

“Call me!” Yuki shouts after him.

 

“ _Yuki_ , people are still _sleeping_.” Banri sighs as he waits for the elevator.

 

“Consider it?” Yuki suggests, highly expecting Banri to reject him.

 

“ _Fine._ ” Banri waves, and Yuki regards it a success.

 

Yuki draws his attention back to his (their?) apartment, now strewn with Banri’s presence.

 

After 25 minutes of waiting, Yuki’s cell phone _finally_ rings, Banri’s picture from their teenage years greeting him with an embarrassed expression.

 

“Hello?” Yuki answers, grinning from ear to ear.

 

_“I’ll keep making you happy.”_


End file.
